Colin Goh and Woo Yen Yen

The following was published in the Sunday Times on 10 February 2008:

Sunday Times 10 February 2008
Superbowl v. Super Tuesday: what’s the diff?
by Colin Goh

Last Sunday, a Singaporean friend emailed me to ask if I was watching the Superbowl (the American football finals) and whether I understood the game at all.

I told him I didn’t get everything – looks like rugby, except with body armour and more commercials – but that I’d tuned in to the halftime musical show, hoping to catch another “wardrobe malfunction” like Janet Jackson’s infamous booboo at 2004’s Superbowl.

However, when I learned that this year’s performer was 57 year-old rocker Tom Petty, the malfunctioning of whose wardrobe didn’t seem particularly appealing, I switched to CNN to watch Hillary Clinton locking horns with Barack Obama. As it turned out, it was like a political debate, except with body armour and more commercials.
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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 27 January 2008, with some editing (if you’ve seen the published version, amuse yourself by spotting the differences!): 

Sunday Times 27 Jan 2008
In Defence of Our ‘Dumb’ Kids
by Colin Goh

Two weeks ago, this august newspaper polled 60 Singaporean students about the US elections, and discovered that - shock! horror! – most couldn’t care less, and that some didn’t even know who Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama were.  Naturally, a lot of hand wringing ensued over the apathy and ignorance of our chewren.

Upon reading the report, my immediate thought was: how many American students would know who Lee Hsien Loong or Sylvia Lim is?

Okay, so maybe that’s not entirely fair.  After all, the fate of the USA doesn’t really depend on the Singaporean government to any great extent, unlike the other way round.  (At least not until we finish buying up all their banks – and then it will be too late! TOO LATE! Bwah-ha-ha!) But I’m betting that most American kids also have no idea who Wen Jiabao is either, and China really, really matters.

My next thought was: how many ordinary Singaporean adults, neh’mine our chewren, would actually know who Barack Obama is, or Mitt Romney, or Mike Huckabee, or John McCain? (Why did the pollsters seem to assume a Democratic victory? Also, Clinton and Obama aren’t that far apart policy-wise, but there will be stark differences with a Romney presidency.) I wouldn’t be surprised if the grownups’ responses didn’t differ too much from the kids’.  Continue Reading »

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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 13 Jan 2007:

Sunday Times 13 Jan 2007
Henry and The Keropok of Death
by Colin Goh

Those of you who are pantang about the Year of the Rat might want to skip this column.

New York City is famous for its rats. According to some statistics, there are between 6 to 12 rats for each resident. Last year, a video of rats cavorting inside a KFC/Taco Bell in Greenwich Village turned the outlet into a temporary tourist attraction, and triggered a health crackdown that resulted in the closure of many eateries, including celebrated restaurants like Serendipity 3 and Brasserie La Cote Basque.

Two years ago, I’d also written about finding a dead mouse when we returned to our Brooklyn apartment after spending a year in Singapore – sort of a ‘welcome back’ gift from the City. And a few weeks after we’d moved in to our new place in Queens, I wasn’t surprised when another turned up, skidding about our sink like some Disney on Ice performance – after all, 2 of our neighbours were doing construction, and the weather was turning cold. “Optimal mouse conditions,” said our landlord, not particularly comfortingly. After disposing of our furry intruder (humanely), we plugged every hole we could find and set various traps, and we saw no further signs of any more pesky guests.

Until last week.

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So enough of you have messaged me about my Facebook status update concerning my attempt at making durian pengat, which effectively derailed my New Year’s resolution to lose weight. So here’s a photo:

I’m not sure why I’m on a nyonya dessert-making binge at the moment… two weeks ago, I made tau suan, and I’m now itching to make my own kueh salat and apom berkuah. Is this due to the cold weather, mild home sickness or just my inner bibik kicking in? Answers on a postcard, please.
And to those of you who asked, yes, we can get durian in New York. Most Chinese supermarkets carry frozen Monthongs from Thailand - which aren’t as tasty, but also aren’t as smelly as the ones from Malaysia. We find that if left to thaw overnight, the frozen Monthongs turn out to be pretty decent. Also, the husks become soft enough that you can just cut them open with scissors!

Anyway, the recipe follows after the jump, just in case any of you want to abandon your resolutions too. Continue Reading »

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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 30th Dec 2007:

Sunday Times 30 Dec 2007
A Kung Fu Casino Christmas
by Colin Goh

So the Wife came home last week from her Shaolin class, and asked if we could host a Christmas party for the monks.

“They’re very poor thing, lah,” she explained. “They’re so young, new to America and far from home, so a bunch of us students thought it would be nice to cheer them up. And since our place is closest to the school…”

“Well, okay,” I said, sucking air through my clenched teeth as I wondered how to fit the 15 or so people into our puny place. “I understand it’s really bad karma to say there’s no room at the inn around this time of the year.”  And you certainly wouldn’t want to upset guys who can fly through the air and kick you into the middle of next week.
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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 16 Dec 2007:

Sunday Times 16 December 2007
All I want for Christmas is to stop shopping
by Colin Goh

Since this is my last column before Christmas, I thought I’d write something apropos of the season.

There was a time when the highlight of Christmas for me was going for the candlelight service in church.  I was born into a Christian family, studied in a mission school, and for a brief period in my life even voluntarily attended theological classes during my spare time, which may come as a surprise for the not inconsiderable number of you out there who believe I’m the devil incarnate.

But as I grew older, and especially since coming to the US, I’ve become increasingly disenchanted with religious groups, even my own.  The wilful ignorance, hypocrisy and even hatefulness peddled by the fundamentalist religious right in America have made it really difficult for me to participate in any church activities. (I realize that this in itself may be contributing to the problem, but that’s a whole other thesis beyond the scope of these pages.)

Anyway, a couple of winters back, while ducking from the cold at a Starbucks in New York’s East Village, I encountered a preacher whose message hit me harder than a month of Sunday sermons.  His name was Reverend Billy, and he was from the Church of Stop Shopping.
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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 2 December 2007:

Sunday Times 2 Dec 2007
Betrayed by my darling Maling
by Colin Goh

It now seems like every week, some made-in-China product is being recalled or banned for reasons of toxicity or unsafe manufacture. So far it hadn’t really affected me: dog food, Thomas the Tank Engine toys, Shir toothpaste and kohl eye shadow aren’t generally on my regular shopping lists.

But things finally hit home a few days ago, when I read how Singapore’s Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority, after having detected traces of a banned antibiotic, had suspended the import of pork products from the Chinese factory which produces the Maling line of canned piggy comestibles.

“Noooo! Not Maling too!” I wailed to the Wife, adopting a pose very similar to the anguished soldier on the poster of Oliver Stone’s 1986 film, ‘Platoon’. Continue Reading »

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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 18 November 2007:

Sunday Times 18 November 2007
Maid in Japan
by Colin Goh

“A what café?” I said to my friend Ichi-san while visiting Tokyo three weeks ago. (‘Ichi’ is not his real name. To avoid potential embarrassment, I’ve had to fudge certain bits to protect the identities of those involved.)

“A maid café,” replied Ichi-san. “A café where the waitresses are dressed like French maids, with short black dresses and white frilly aprons. And address you as ‘Master’.”

I’d asked Ichi-san to take me on an insider’s tour of Tokyo: no touristy museums, temples or designer malls. I wanted to see where regular Tokyoites go – and perhaps glimpse the source of how they’ve managed to inspire and influence so many people worldwide, myself included. Now I was wondering if I’d be biting off more than I could chew.
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Hello friends,

We are proud to announce that our multiple-award winning Singaporean film, SINGAPORE DREAMING 美满人生, is premiering on Friday, November 9th, 2007 in Taipei and Kaohsiung.

SINGAPORE DREAMING 美满人生 is the first Singapore film to have a commercial release in Taiwan since ‘I Not Stupid’ in 2002, and is a great opportunity for Singaporeans based in Taiwan to experience a slice of home, as well as share it with their Taiwanese friends.

SINGAPORE DREAMING 美满人生has been compared favourably to the works of the great Taiwanese directors Ang Lee and Edward Yang, and has won three major international awards to date, including the prestigious Best Asian/Middle Eastern Film Award at the recent Tokyo International Film Festival.

In Taipei, it will play at the Shin Kong Multiplex 長春戲院 新光影城
In Kaohsiung, it will play at 喜滿客夢時代影城

Screening times and details can be found at: http://blog.yam.com/dreaming1109

If you have friends or family in Taiwan, please let them know about our premiere! It’s an extremely rare event for an indie Singapore film to open commercially in Taiwan, and we want as many people as possible to see it! Thanks!

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The following was published in the Sunday Times on 4 November 2007:

Sunday Times 4 Nov 2007
Playing With Oneself in Tokyo
by Colin Goh

So I was recently in Tokyo for the Tokyo International Film Festival, and I really must thank everyone out there who sent the Wife and I your congrats on our very unexpected win.

In this regard, I was amused to note that many of you sent us virtual drinks. While grateful for the generous (?) sentiment, I must admit that, in this age of Second Life and online avatars, I did spend a few seconds wondering whether it was advisable to drink while driving down the information superhighway…

Now ordinarily, like most of you, I would have found the preceding statement not just corny, but retarded. After visiting Japan and witnessing the commingling of fantasy and reality, however, I’m not so sure.
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